Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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