He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
