there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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