Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
