Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
