She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
