I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
