When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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