maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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