Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
