The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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