dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
