The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
