i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
