I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
