Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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