btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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