tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
