The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
