I'm so fucking centered right now
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
