Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
