highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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