We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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