I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
