just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
