ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
