I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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