This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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