I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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