ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
