It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
