Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
