six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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