I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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