OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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