just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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