My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
