You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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