Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
