1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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