please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
