I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
