omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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