On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.