I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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