okay pat passed out under dana's car
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow