I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer