omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.