As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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