Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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