Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
