I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
