What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
