My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
