he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
why is half of my head shaved?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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