I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
