Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
