Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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