so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
