So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
