You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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