so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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