He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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