You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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