I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
