I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
