if you like me you must not know who I am
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
