i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
