Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
