if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
