just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
3pm strippers are depressing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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