i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
