So drunk, too bad you don't want this
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
