i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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