Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
