Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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