what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
