the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
