I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
