i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
