okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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